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Charges laid by the Royal Pines Shadow Council against the residents of Unit # 16:
1) Hanging Christmas lights prematurely, as seen before the end of September!
2) Wearing an unkempt beard while having being born in Jamaica!
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Response to the charges:
Dear members of The Royal Pines Shadow Council,
The residents at # 16 have been made aware of the existence of a rump group which has emerged from within the Royal Pines population to challenge the legitimacy of the duly constituted leadership committee. I use the term ‘rump group’ with intent: to express the part of the human anatomy from which these by-laws originate.
The so called by-laws cited by the Royal Pines Shadow Council: numbers 4: in the matter of prematurely hanging Christmas lights in September, and number 5:in the matter of scruffy beards worn by residents born in Jamaica, are a travesty in the light of the hard work done by the duly elected president, Mme. Gobeil the distinguished and honorable Guru par excellence of the Independent Republic of Royal Pines. These by-laws that you cite are an affront to notions of order and good governance. Moreover, these by-laws seem to smack of bribery and gross corruption. Little gold doubloons of dark chocolate are, of course, increasingly desirable, as the tariffs of the Evil Empire to the south leave their impact on our long suffering population.
Would a suitable measure of little rabbit pellets dipped in gold paint suffice as a fine for a disordered beard? Or if the male resident shaped his pubic hair carefully with the razor and the shaving creme that you kindly contributed to his ‘grooming’ conform to the by-laws of the ‘rump group’ breakaway from the Independent Repubic! (spelling error deliberate!) of Royal Pines.
Your gold dipped rabbit turds will be collected, painted and delivered within a fortnight, if the residents at # 16 can collect enough rabbit pellets before DJT collects them, paints them gold and glues them to the wall of the Oval Office of the White House.
With love and a measure of respect from:
Residents at # 16, (Rasputin and Catherine, the Grape)
P.S. Thanks a million for the gifts of the following: Razor, Shaving Creme, Scissors, and 2 brand new Ziploc bags. It was worth sporting a scruffy beard while having been born in Jamaica and prematurely hanging Christmas lights to get all this attention and these gifts. Can we please be found in violation of some more by-laws to get more loot from the Shadow Council?